psycholawgy | ic contact;

[Her voice can barely be heard.]

Okay.

[One. Two. Three. Tears come right after another.]

Okay.

[It was okay to be useless sometimes.]

[ She quickly gets up to switch the stove off so the cocoa won't burn. She pours some of it in a mug and places it on the table in front of Ai, and she uses her other hand to stroke Ai 's back.

Sometimes, silence helps calm someone down, so Athena doesn't say anything. She'll wait for Ai to finish. ]

[Ai allows herself to cry a minute or two, covering up her mouth to muffle a pathetic sob every now and then.

When she finally talks, she wipes her tears away with the back of her hand.]

I... I got angry. I got really angry and because of that, I made things worse for myself.

Edited 2015-04-28 06:50 (UTC)

[ it's good that Ai was able to let go, but as much as Athena wants to have control over her own emotions, she's also saddened by what she sees. But at least she's able to cover up how she feels with worry for Ai. ]

What was "that"? What happened at the ball?

[ She gives Ai's back another rub before pulling a chair and taking a seat. ]

[Ai Thao sighs softly shaking her head as if she can't believe she has to circle back to this:]

... I... I was just talking with Archer. [Why does it have to circle back to him? Happens when you have a wide network of similarly connected friends it seems.]

We were dancing and I was enjoying myself because I thought we'd be able to just have fun even if we're just...

[She doesn't understand. And she feels he doesn't understand her.]

... I always end up arguing with him. And I hate it.

[ Truth be told, having an argument with Archer sounds like a normal thing for anyone and everyone... But Athena doesn't think that at all. ]

What did you talk about?

[ Hahaha... she'll just keep quiet about how she may have had an argument with him earlier in the night, too. ]

I think I just wanted to figure out whether we actually got along or not. Maybe I shouldn't have asked that.

[And maybe she shouldn't have pointed out the strangeness of it all.]

I wanted to explain myself, but he wouldn't accept it.

[She pauses, feeling the threat of tears again. She reaches for the slightly cooled off cocoa, placing the cup on her lap.]

That would have been fine. I do apologize too much.

[It would have been fine. But the next few words, she murmurs them as if they were a curse to her.]

"Stupid."

"Waste of time."

"Useless."

That's what he called it.

[ She knows those words all too well, because she's had her efforts to help Simon shot down a lot. It felt absolutely disencouraging hearing them, but Athena never gave up. She persisted despite the hurtful words.

Athena nods, acknowledging Ai's story. She can't pick sides, though, as much as she wants to comfort Ai by saying Archer is a butthead. Archer's her friend, too. At the same time, she doesn't want to seem like she's defending the guy. That could potentially make things worse. Still, she'd like to for Ai to understand why Archer is the way he is. ]

He doesn't think he's good enough for anything. [ She says it matter of factly. ] That's why he's pushing you away.

I'm sorry he said those, though... You meant well.

[Ai doesn't say anything for a few seconds. Might as well drink some cocoa as she reels in her thoughts.

What she does say next may seem a little out of nowhere, but if she's going to explain herself in the future, at least Athena should know first.]

In my world, there are people who use magic and people who are like me; espers with different mind based powers.

[It's a long story really. She can only tell Athena the bare basics for now.]

I grew up surrounded by people like me. A lot of time was spent making sure I could control and heighten my abilities. I don't think I made anyone happy even in spite of my progress.

[She leans into her chair, staring into her cup.]

So hearing things like, "waste of time" or "useless..." It wasn't uncommon. I got used to it from the people who raised me. I thought it wouldn't hurt anymore.

[So much time was poured into their creation, for the hope of revival and preservation of the mother they had lost. The time that was spent culminated into her. And who she became was seen as unwanted baggage.

And if she continued the way she was, she'd be utterly useless.]

Edited 2015-04-28 08:17 (UTC)

[ It does seem to have come out of nowhere, but if Ai needs to vent, then Athena's here to listen. ]

You can't shut emotions out... [ She says it rather meekly, because despite wanting to be objective, she might end up being a bit too strong with her words. ] The brain doesn't always follow the heart.

[ And that's something she could go into more detail about, but that would take up too much of Ai's time. And the point here is to make Ai feel better, not to give her a lecture. ]

No one should get used to hearing those, though. [ And she isn't just saying that to make Ai feel better. They're really hurtful words, and they could destroy a person. ] I hope that you didn't listen to them.

[ She glances at Ai, hoping that she would not or at least say "yes". ]

[When you're created by unnatural means for a narrow, but determined purpose of others, not being able to fulfill said purpose doesn't do much for ones self-esteem.

In a way, the words did get less meaningful as time went on. She had found a different goal before she found herself here. But even that was small and insignificant and she couldn't even achieve it with the way things currently are.

Ai understands that Athena's doing her best to make her feel better though. It's more than she deserved.]

I kind of get it. How Archer doesn't see himself highly, I mean.

Like I said before, we just don't understand each other. I don't think he or anyone else would know that those words would hurt me.

[She chuckles, but it's dejected at best.]

After all, you're the first person I've talked to about my world and my place in it. I guess I didn't want to talk about myself in the end.

[ Athena gets it... not talking a lot about herself. But at least she has a clearer picture of Ai now. ]

Talking isn't something you do unless you really want to, it's okay. [ She gives Ai a warm smile. ] So, thank you.

Do you think you'll be talking to Archer again?

[ She supposes it's all just a misunderstanding, and she'd really like to see her friends getting along. It's not something she'll give up on just yet. ]

[There's a sigh and a hand running through her bangs.]

Well, no matter how I feel, I think I'll have to.

Don't force yourself, and take your time.

I won't.

[She nods looking more heartened and even determined.]

Even if... Even if it won't fix anything, I at least want to be understood!

[Even if she isn't accepted, even if it would hurt again, at least she would have given it her all.]

Just let your voice be heard. If... [ She doubts it would come to that, but. . . ] Archer refuses to listen, then that's his loss, not yours.

ic contact;

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject