pretty guardian attorney athena cykes ☾ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
psycholawgy) wrote2015-01-16 01:02 am
psycholawgy) wrote2015-01-16 01:02 am
Entry tags:
ic contact;
| You've reached Athena Cykes. I'm currently unavailable, but leave a message and I'll get back to you pronto. Danke! |
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I did, I did. I hope we have another one like it some time in the future.
What about you? [ She's noticed Ai hands, not to mention, she can hear a lot of discord in her voice. ] Did anything eventful happen?
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Ah, well, Miss Rin asked me to help with her Secret Santa present for Rock Lee; it might have been hard to see me, but there was a bunch of us singing a song for him. He looked so happy so I'm glad I was able to help out with that! And then I went out to the gardens for a while and discovered how bad the plants were and had to help someone out from the vines. That was harrowing, but nobody got seriously injured! I saw Katsura, you know the man who cross dressed at the sleepover?
[She takes a moment to breathe, but starts talking again.]
He's a little strange and I don't think I get him, but at least I came across him before it was too late and... Ahahaha.
It was a long night! But it was fun.
[The smile is beginning to hurt. Ai puts her hands in her lap, murmuring to herself as if she's the only one she's fooling.]
It was fun.
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In this case, though, she can tell that Ai is hurting on the inside. Athena's well aware of how it is to smile even though they don't mean it. She's done that a lot of times before, and nobody was there to help her and cheer her up. Even though other people might consider that a sign of strength, she knew very well how painful it is to not have anybody be with them. That's why she won't leave Ai until she feels better.
But before that, there's just one thing she has to say: ]
You can cry if you want to.
[ Crying will definitely lessen the pain Ai might be feeling in her chest. There's no shame in being vulnerable every now and then. If Ryuko comes in on them, then that's fine. It looks like Ai really needs company right now. ]
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...Is it really okay?
[Back home and back in the secret training facility, her childish tears would annoy the trainers and her grandmotherly figure. She learned to make them private because tears were useless in the world she grew up in. Everyone knew she cried too easily; a useless trait, a flaw in an otherwise miraculous result.]
I don't even want to cry.
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As far as I'm concerned, you shouldn't even be asking permission.
[ There really is nothing wrong with crying. Athena doesn't know what happened yet, but it must have been a really difficult situation considering how much of a grip it has on Ai's chest. She knows that Ai's upbringing was rather different (although any exact details are very little), and in no way does she ever take it against her. She does consider that as to why Ai doesn't want to cry, or is trying to bottle it up, though. ]
Lawyers aren't allowed to cry, or be upset. My boss always says "The toughest times are when lawyers have to force their biggest smiles," so I'm taking it very seriously. But you... [ Her concerned expression slowly forms into a warm smile, and she laughs amiably. ] You're not a lawyer. So it's all right.
[ That was just a joke, but she at least hopes that it'll cheer her up a bit. ]
I won't tell anybody. Attorney-client privilege and all.
[ Yet another joke, but she adds: ] I'll have you know that that's also a privilege people have with their friends.
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Why couldn't there have been more people to say it was okay? Maybe things wouldn't have turned out like this. She'd be wiser, she'd be an actual adult, someone whose flawed nature would endure and not be useless...]
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Okay.
[One. Two. Three. Tears come right after another.]
Okay.
[It was okay to be useless sometimes.]
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Sometimes, silence helps calm someone down, so Athena doesn't say anything. She'll wait for Ai to finish. ]
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When she finally talks, she wipes her tears away with the back of her hand.]
I... I got angry. I got really angry and because of that, I made things worse for myself.
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What was "that"? What happened at the ball?
[ She gives Ai's back another rub before pulling a chair and taking a seat. ]
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... I... I was just talking with Archer. [Why does it have to circle back to him? Happens when you have a wide network of similarly connected friends it seems.]
We were dancing and I was enjoying myself because I thought we'd be able to just have fun even if we're just...
[She doesn't understand. And she feels he doesn't understand her.]
... I always end up arguing with him. And I hate it.
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What did you talk about?
[ Hahaha... she'll just keep quiet about how she may have had an argument with him earlier in the night, too. ]
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[And maybe she shouldn't have pointed out the strangeness of it all.]
I wanted to explain myself, but he wouldn't accept it.
[She pauses, feeling the threat of tears again. She reaches for the slightly cooled off cocoa, placing the cup on her lap.]
That would have been fine. I do apologize too much.
[It would have been fine. But the next few words, she murmurs them as if they were a curse to her.]
"Stupid."
"Waste of time."
"Useless."
That's what he called it.
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Athena nods, acknowledging Ai's story. She can't pick sides, though, as much as she wants to comfort Ai by saying Archer is a butthead. Archer's her friend, too. At the same time, she doesn't want to seem like she's defending the guy. That could potentially make things worse. Still, she'd like to for Ai to understand why Archer is the way he is. ]
He doesn't think he's good enough for anything. [ She says it matter of factly. ] That's why he's pushing you away.
I'm sorry he said those, though... You meant well.
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What she does say next may seem a little out of nowhere, but if she's going to explain herself in the future, at least Athena should know first.]
In my world, there are people who use magic and people who are like me; espers with different mind based powers.
[It's a long story really. She can only tell Athena the bare basics for now.]
I grew up surrounded by people like me. A lot of time was spent making sure I could control and heighten my abilities. I don't think I made anyone happy even in spite of my progress.
[She leans into her chair, staring into her cup.]
So hearing things like, "waste of time" or "useless..." It wasn't uncommon. I got used to it from the people who raised me. I thought it wouldn't hurt anymore.
[So much time was poured into their creation, for the hope of revival and preservation of the mother they had lost. The time that was spent culminated into her. And who she became was seen as unwanted baggage.
And if she continued the way she was, she'd be utterly useless.]
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You can't shut emotions out... [ She says it rather meekly, because despite wanting to be objective, she might end up being a bit too strong with her words. ] The brain doesn't always follow the heart.
[ And that's something she could go into more detail about, but that would take up too much of Ai's time. And the point here is to make Ai feel better, not to give her a lecture. ]
No one should get used to hearing those, though. [ And she isn't just saying that to make Ai feel better. They're really hurtful words, and they could destroy a person. ] I hope that you didn't listen to them.
[ She glances at Ai, hoping that she would not or at least say "yes". ]
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In a way, the words did get less meaningful as time went on. She had found a different goal before she found herself here. But even that was small and insignificant and she couldn't even achieve it with the way things currently are.
Ai understands that Athena's doing her best to make her feel better though. It's more than she deserved.]
I kind of get it. How Archer doesn't see himself highly, I mean.
Like I said before, we just don't understand each other. I don't think he or anyone else would know that those words would hurt me.
[She chuckles, but it's dejected at best.]
After all, you're the first person I've talked to about my world and my place in it. I guess I didn't want to talk about myself in the end.
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Talking isn't something you do unless you really want to, it's okay. [ She gives Ai a warm smile. ] So, thank you.
Do you think you'll be talking to Archer again?
[ She supposes it's all just a misunderstanding, and she'd really like to see her friends getting along. It's not something she'll give up on just yet. ]
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Well, no matter how I feel, I think I'll have to.
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[She nods looking more heartened and even determined.]
Even if... Even if it won't fix anything, I at least want to be understood!
[Even if she isn't accepted, even if it would hurt again, at least she would have given it her all.]
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