[ He's a bit awkward about where to put his hands at first, until the way they're sat really does just make his back ache. ]
Here. [ He shifts to pull her legs up, pulling her up onto his lap, pulling her in closer because really he just hopes in future she'll tell him if he crosses any lines. This, right now, is more about comfort. About holding her close as his lips brush her temple. ]
I'm not going. [ It hurts so much, because he knows -- or at least he's fairly certain he knows what she means by this. By "don't go". She doesn't mean to his apartment, to even the other end of the rooftop. She means for the foreseeable future. ] Look at me. [ His hand reaches for her face, swipes at the tears freely falling from her eye. ] I'm right here.
[ He whispers "close your eyes" after, just wanting to take in the mess she's gotten herself into, before he kisses each eye in turn. Both of his hands move from her back to put her face, tilting it until he can kiss her forehead. ]
[ she does as she's told. there's no reason for her to be stubborn at a time like this, especially when she started this whole mess to begin with. though once he speaks, she opens her eyes but doesn't move her head. to look him in the eye now that she's stopped crying is -- difficult and painful. ]
[ He shakes his head lightly, finally leaning to press their foreheads together. He's still holding her face, but he does say softly: ] It isn't something you can really fix. We just need to adapt. I need to adapt.
[ He just breathes for a moment. ]
I'm. [ Okay, no he needs another second before he starts this again, but when he does, his voice is firmer. ] I'm used to poetry, to grand gestures of romance and that things like-- [ He just shakes his head again, biting into his lip. ] It's difficult, getting used to this when things aren't as serious when you... [ Maybe want it to be?
[ ... what, is he insinuating that she isn't as serious as she is just because she's kissed three other people? it doesn't work that way. and maybe her thinking is skewed, but she is serious with this... or so she thinks.
she's never felt this way before.
she moves to get off his lap and just sit next to him, knees drawn close to her as she embraces them. and then there's silence.
[ It's just... different. He's too idealistic with stuff like this where there's probably one true love then you never find someone else. It's stupid, and really her idea of how this works is actually makes a lot more sense.
He sighs when she pulls away, pressing his hands to his lap instead and digging in.
He doesn't say anything for a long moment either, instead moving his hands to under his legs, gripping the blankets underneath. ]
Then why did you bring something like that into a game? [ It takes him a while to get the words out, voice cracking slightly. His head tilts away, looking towards the sky. ] I told you before, that to me a kiss isn't something I take lightly. [ His stomach is twisting painfully, throat feels like it's closing up. He moves his hands up, rubs at his face. ] If you'd told me while we were actually talking about it, not during a game it would have been different but--
[ It hurts. That she'd use that to win.
It isn't necessarily the amount of people she's kissed, just how she used that information. How she used the fact that she lied to him as a means to win too. ]
I don't want to keep going in circles, so let's just... forget it.
[ a sigh. she's a psychology expert. she's supposed to know how to fix things like this. but it's then that she realises that she can study all she likes, but the experience itself.
life itself.
it's different.
she takes a deep breath and looks at him, eyes just filled with concern. honestly, she could die right here but she would want to request whomever's killing her to do it after they fix this. they have to. forgetting isn't fixing. ]
[ His shoulders tense and he uses the silence to fix his shirt a bit, rolling down the sleeves and re-fastening the cuffs. He smooths out the material, picks at it. His eyes flicker in her direction, but he doesn't turn to look at her. ]
I've only been kissed once before. Gwen did it, because she thought I'd died. My heart stopped, but the healing concoction that Gaius gave me worked at the last minute, so I came back to life. That's it. I was barely conscious at the time. With you it's different. It's like... [ He sits back, presses his hands against the floor, bunches the blankets under his fingers. ] It's like everything is alive at once. It feels like-- [ His eyes shut and for a second he rolls his lower lip into his mouth, as if trying to remember the feeling. ] Like electric. Like fire. All the elements in one and like my heart is burning because it's beating so hard.
It's like I finally understand what poets write about. What people live for. And I don't want that to be made into something... smaller?
[ she might be an idiot, but at least she sort of understands what he's cross and upset about... the pain he feels: she feels it too, quite literally at that. and now she feels like even more of a loser than before.
she looks at her socks and blinks a couple of times before talking. what merlin said was a lot to take in. and normally, it would fluster her, but it just makes her feel loved all the more instead. it's different this time around. ]
I didn't mean to-- [ a pause and she sinks further into the blankets, trying to make herself as minimised as possible. but it's hard. it's hard when she wants to say big words but be small at the same time. ] I'm sorry. [ that again. ] For not even considering what you might feel.
[ she clears her throat. ]
For saying something like that without warning. But-- [ she wants to look at him. she wants him to look at her. but it doesn't seem all that possible right now. ] You're the most important person to me, Merlin. My heart practically beats for you. And at that point, I just wanted to win. I was being selfish. I'm sorry.
I'm not exactly mad. [ How many times does he have to say that, and he does glance at her then, though it's only brief.
Slowly, he drops back onto the blankets, laying out instead as he tries to get rid of the tight feeling in his chest from this misunderstanding, fight(?), being so long and drawn out. She might have had a nap in the middle blessed with nice dreams thanks to her bracelet, but he's had a restless one where he kept waking up with his throat tightening up. ]
I'm just sad that you'd think you'd have to do something like that when I'd let you win if you wanted it that much to begin with. I'd give you anything you wanted.
Can I have your hand?
[ It isn't a demand this time, because he doesn't feel secure enough to expect her to agree entirely right now. ]
[ that's why she already apologised... does he accept it, though? does he forgive her for what she's said and done? it would ease her mind so much if he'd just say so, but... he hasn't. . .
and it's why she shakes her head. she doesn't deserve to give her his hand, for whatever purpose that might be. she doesn't deserve him if she just keeps hurting him like this. relationships aren't supposed to be just happiness and rainbows, she knows that, but she at least wants to try to keep it as pristine and perfect as possible.
[ Well if she'd just take his goddamn hand maybe she'd find that out?! He glances up at her when she shakes her head and he really wishes this hadn't bothered him as much as it did. That they could rewind the past few hours and he could have just laughed it off and just sulked about it later. ]
Shouldn't? Because it will make you want to leave more? Or because you're deciding for me?
[ He reaches out with the arm actually furthest from her, not shifting from laying on his back. His hand covers the back of hers, pulling it gently to rest it against his chest. He presses her palm flat, holds it down so she can't pull it away. ]
I forgave you already, I just didn't understand it. Sorry. Too. I mean. [ He takes a deep breath and she'll feel his chest rise with the motion before he shifts to try and get comfortable. It's harder when the physical contact is there, it's harder when he can feel his heart speeding up because of it. ]
You already took my heart, you can't change that now. I just want... [ His eyes shut slowly, fluttering against his cheeks. ] I just want you to see that. I'll always forgive you, stop panicking about it. So now it's my turn to apologise for being so insufferable when it comes to getting used to this. I know I'm the one out of sorts with how society is now. But you know. I shouldn't have to let go of what I'm used to either, not entirely.
[ Then quietly: ]
I shall make a new song before the wind blows and it freezes and rains. My lady is trying and testing me, to find out how much I love her. Well, no matter what quarrel she makes, she will not loose me from her bond. Rather I become her servant, surrender to her, so she can write my name in her contract. Now don't go thinking I must be drunk if I love my good lady; for without her I cannot live...
[ she closes her eyes again as she listens to his heart, as she feels it pump. it's different now, the tune is definitely, and a hundred-percent different, but it's still the same heart. it's still the one she considers her favourite to listen to, no matter how painful it can be to hear it at times. ]
Merlin, I-- [ no. no. no.
she takes her hand back and gets up and rushes to the ledges of the rooftop before he can chase after her. there aren't any fences or anything that would protect her from falling, but she takes a step on the ledge anyway. and screams: ]
Merlin! [ I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR LAST NAME IS BUT-- ] I really, really love you!
[ It's so quiet for a moment as he finishes that off, feels the warmth from her palm through the thin material of his shirt but then she's pulling her hand away and he thinks he's said too much. Too much too soon.
It's a lot more alarming when she goes to the edge of the roof and even with the revival process here his heart is stuck in his throat and he can't move quick enough ]
Athena wait-- [ Did he seriously just think she was planning on jumping? Yes, yes he sure did. When he actually sees her stop at the edge, yelling that out though he's flustered to the point where his hand covers his face. His skin feels hot, is probably flushed.
What... an idiot. Is that really something she should be screaming from a rooftop????
He's half up from the surprise earlier, and while his legs feel a bit wobbly, stomach all fluttery he reaches out to wrap his arms around her waist, picking her up to pull her back and away from danger.
[ She's so tiny so he can pick her up... it isn't the case for most people. Thankfully she's down on the ground soon enough, but it isn't as if he's covering her mouth.
She can keep going if she really wants. ]
You were too close to the edge, it made me uneasy. [ It's muffled because he isn't pulling his face away yet. ]
I wasn't going to fall. [ jeez, but look at that heart speeding up. he really was uneasy. she can't help but laugh at everything that's happening right now. ]
But... I love you. Probably from the moment we met. [ she laughs again, and pulls merlin's hands away from her waist and to her chest where he can feel her heart. ] I'd fight anybody who says anything bad against you, and if I ever make you unhappy again, then I'll make sure I disappear, too.
I'm going to work hard, Merlin. Work so hard so that I don't make you feel pain ever again. It's not because I can feel it too, but for you to get hurt because of how stupid—of how competitive I can be... I'm sorry. That's not what love is supposed to be.
It doesn't matter. [ He almost wants to sulk that she isn't being more careful about it, but it's fine. Though ah... He thought he was being overly open about how he felt, she's actually saying it properly. It might have taken some time to reach this point this evening, but with her heartbeat under his fingertips he feels like he's melting now. Like she finally gets it. ]
I love you.
[ It's still slightly muffled even if he tried to move his head a little, but this is making his heart jump, it's a little difficult to think about what he's doing. His hand curls up against her before he moves it up, reaching for her shoulder to turn her around.
As soon as she's facing him, he's kissing her. Both of them are a mess from earlier, but it's fine. It's real. This is real. The kiss he gives her is 100% full of love, full of emotion and passion as both of his hands move to hold her face. ]
[ she was taken by so much surprise that night at the rooftop almost three weeks ago. now there's this. it's almost the same, but worlds apart from how different it is. it's amazing how you can love somebody after only knowing them for about a month or so. but that's how the heart works. and you should always follow your heart.
at least, that's what athena believes.
her hands of course, aren't just on her sides. they move to grab him by the collar and pull him closer, even though he's already as close as he can be. closer to feel this moment. athena's never wavered with what and how she feels for him. each kiss was real, and if things could get realer this kiss would be it. ]
[ It's easier to fall than it is to get back up, that's the same with anything else. All he knows is that right now neither of them are leaving and they're finally coming to terms with everything. He believes in destiny. He believes in branches of destiny that can change depending on the path you take and he firmly believes she's his path now.
His hands delve up into her hair, head tilting to deepen the kiss as he tries to pull her back to where they were before. His legs feel like jelly and he'd really prefer to sit down right now.
He just doesn't want to break the kiss now they're there, and instead hopes that she understands what he means by the light pull he gives her. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
psycholawgy) wrote2016-03-27 09:09 pm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6u0DGIh3wLA&nohtml5=False
Here. [ He shifts to pull her legs up, pulling her up onto his lap, pulling her in closer because really he just hopes in future she'll tell him if he crosses any lines. This, right now, is more about comfort. About holding her close as his lips brush her temple. ]
I'm not going. [ It hurts so much, because he knows -- or at least he's fairly certain he knows what she means by this. By "don't go". She doesn't mean to his apartment, to even the other end of the rooftop. She means for the foreseeable future. ] Look at me. [ His hand reaches for her face, swipes at the tears freely falling from her eye. ] I'm right here.
STOP LINKING SAD SONGS
barely.
what she sees is like how you'd view something from a kaleidoscope. the colours are all messed up, but she is looking at him, at least. ]
love me love me say that you love me :*
I'm right here.
Eh
I'm sorry. I don't know what to do to fix this...
fool me fool me go on and fool me [lonely]
[ He just breathes for a moment. ]
I'm. [ Okay, no he needs another second before he starts this again, but when he does, his voice is firmer. ] I'm used to poetry, to grand gestures of romance and that things like-- [ He just shakes his head again, biting into his lip. ] It's difficult, getting used to this when things aren't as serious when you... [ Maybe want it to be?
He doesn't know. ]
i could never :(
she's never felt this way before.
she moves to get off his lap and just sit next to him, knees drawn close to her as she embraces them. and then there's silence.
until-- ]
I am serious.
8( oh...
He sighs when she pulls away, pressing his hands to his lap instead and digging in.
He doesn't say anything for a long moment either, instead moving his hands to under his legs, gripping the blankets underneath. ]
Then why did you bring something like that into a game? [ It takes him a while to get the words out, voice cracking slightly. His head tilts away, looking towards the sky. ] I told you before, that to me a kiss isn't something I take lightly. [ His stomach is twisting painfully, throat feels like it's closing up. He moves his hands up, rubs at his face. ] If you'd told me while we were actually talking about it, not during a game it would have been different but--
[ It hurts. That she'd use that to win.
It isn't necessarily the amount of people she's kissed, just how she used that information. How she used the fact that she lied to him as a means to win too. ]
I don't want to keep going in circles, so let's just... forget it.
._.
But I don't want to forget it.
[ a sigh. she's a psychology expert. she's supposed to know how to fix things like this. but it's then that she realises that she can study all she likes, but the experience itself.
life itself.
it's different.
she takes a deep breath and looks at him, eyes just filled with concern. honestly, she could die right here but she would want to request whomever's killing her to do it after they fix this. they have to. forgetting isn't fixing. ]
I think you should continue.
sadly spoons
I've only been kissed once before. Gwen did it, because she thought I'd died. My heart stopped, but the healing concoction that Gaius gave me worked at the last minute, so I came back to life. That's it. I was barely conscious at the time. With you it's different. It's like... [ He sits back, presses his hands against the floor, bunches the blankets under his fingers. ] It's like everything is alive at once. It feels like-- [ His eyes shut and for a second he rolls his lower lip into his mouth, as if trying to remember the feeling. ] Like electric. Like fire. All the elements in one and like my heart is burning because it's beating so hard.
It's like I finally understand what poets write about. What people live for. And I don't want that to be made into something... smaller?
babe :<
she looks at her socks and blinks a couple of times before talking. what merlin said was a lot to take in. and normally, it would fluster her, but it just makes her feel loved all the more instead. it's different this time around. ]
I didn't mean to-- [ a pause and she sinks further into the blankets, trying to make herself as minimised as possible. but it's hard. it's hard when she wants to say big words but be small at the same time. ] I'm sorry. [ that again. ] For not even considering what you might feel.
[ she clears her throat. ]
For saying something like that without warning. But-- [ she wants to look at him. she wants him to look at her. but it doesn't seem all that possible right now. ] You're the most important person to me, Merlin. My heart practically beats for you. And at that point, I just wanted to win. I was being selfish. I'm sorry.
Please don't be mad anymore.
ah......... nuzzles
Slowly, he drops back onto the blankets, laying out instead as he tries to get rid of the tight feeling in his chest from this misunderstanding, fight(?), being so long and drawn out. She might have had a nap in the middle blessed with nice dreams thanks to her bracelet, but he's had a restless one where he kept waking up with his throat tightening up. ]
I'm just sad that you'd think you'd have to do something like that when I'd let you win if you wanted it that much to begin with. I'd give you anything you wanted.
Can I have your hand?
[ It isn't a demand this time, because he doesn't feel secure enough to expect her to agree entirely right now. ]
smooches your forehead
and it's why she shakes her head. she doesn't deserve to give her his hand, for whatever purpose that might be. she doesn't deserve him if she just keeps hurting him like this. relationships aren't supposed to be just happiness and rainbows, she knows that, but she at least wants to try to keep it as pristine and perfect as possible.
it's not possible. ]
I- You shouldn't.
[ she's a terrible person. ]
purrs ;u;
Shouldn't? Because it will make you want to leave more? Or because you're deciding for me?
[ :( ]
no subject
You shouldn't, [ she repeats herself instead. ] I'm. What would you do?
[ maybe ask that question first before you say no, dumbass. ]
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I want to show you something.
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I forgave you already, I just didn't understand it. Sorry. Too. I mean. [ He takes a deep breath and she'll feel his chest rise with the motion before he shifts to try and get comfortable. It's harder when the physical contact is there, it's harder when he can feel his heart speeding up because of it. ]
You already took my heart, you can't change that now. I just want... [ His eyes shut slowly, fluttering against his cheeks. ] I just want you to see that. I'll always forgive you, stop panicking about it. So now it's my turn to apologise for being so insufferable when it comes to getting used to this. I know I'm the one out of sorts with how society is now. But you know. I shouldn't have to let go of what I'm used to either, not entirely.
[ Then quietly: ]
I shall make a new song
before the wind blows and it freezes and rains.
My lady is trying and testing me,
to find out how much I love her.
Well, no matter what quarrel she makes,
she will not loose me from her bond.
Rather I become her servant, surrender to her,
so she can write my name in her contract.
Now don't go thinking I must be drunk
if I love my good lady;
for without her I cannot live...
no subject
Merlin, I-- [ no. no. no.
she takes her hand back and gets up and rushes to the ledges of the rooftop before he can chase after her. there aren't any fences or anything that would protect her from falling, but she takes a step on the ledge anyway. and screams: ]
Merlin! [ I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR LAST NAME IS BUT-- ] I really, really love you!
[ HELP HER GOOD LORD. ]
no subject
It's a lot more alarming when she goes to the edge of the roof and even with the revival process here his heart is stuck in his throat and he can't move quick enough ]
Athena wait-- [ Did he seriously just think she was planning on jumping? Yes, yes he sure did. When he actually sees her stop at the edge, yelling that out though he's flustered to the point where his hand covers his face. His skin feels hot, is probably flushed.
What... an idiot. Is that really something she should be screaming from a rooftop????
He's half up from the surprise earlier, and while his legs feel a bit wobbly, stomach all fluttery he reaches out to wrap his arms around her waist, picking her up to pull her back and away from danger.
He ends up just burying his face in her hair. ]
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[ LET IT BE KNOWN THAT HER FRIENDSHIP- or in this case, romantic speeches-AREN'T ONLY A SENTENCE LONG. ]
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She can keep going if she really wants. ]
You were too close to the edge, it made me uneasy. [ It's muffled because he isn't pulling his face away yet. ]
no subject
But... I love you. Probably from the moment we met. [ she laughs again, and pulls merlin's hands away from her waist and to her chest where he can feel her heart. ] I'd fight anybody who says anything bad against you, and if I ever make you unhappy again, then I'll make sure I disappear, too.
I'm going to work hard, Merlin. Work so hard so that I don't make you feel pain ever again. It's not because I can feel it too, but for you to get hurt because of how stupid—of how competitive I can be... I'm sorry. That's not what love is supposed to be.
no subject
I love you.
[ It's still slightly muffled even if he tried to move his head a little, but this is making his heart jump, it's a little difficult to think about what he's doing. His hand curls up against her before he moves it up, reaching for her shoulder to turn her around.
As soon as she's facing him, he's kissing her. Both of them are a mess from earlier, but it's fine. It's real. This is real. The kiss he gives her is 100% full of love, full of emotion and passion as both of his hands move to hold her face. ]
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at least, that's what athena believes.
her hands of course, aren't just on her sides. they move to grab him by the collar and pull him closer, even though he's already as close as he can be. closer to feel this moment. athena's never wavered with what and how she feels for him. each kiss was real, and if things could get realer this kiss would be it. ]
no subject
His hands delve up into her hair, head tilting to deepen the kiss as he tries to pull her back to where they were before. His legs feel like jelly and he'd really prefer to sit down right now.
He just doesn't want to break the kiss now they're there, and instead hopes that she understands what he means by the light pull he gives her. ]
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