pretty guardian attorney athena cykes ☾ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
psycholawgy) wrote2016-03-27 09:09 pm
psycholawgy) wrote2016-03-27 09:09 pm
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[ He takes the drink without saying anything, only this time when he downs it he doesn't pull a face, just turns his face away while he suffers quietly through the taste.
He feels guilty now. It's why when he places the glass back down he murmurs a soft: ] Sorry.
[ :( ]
He feels guilty now. It's why when he places the glass back down he murmurs a soft: ] Sorry.
[ :( ]
It wasn't bad. [ or anything. ] Just embarrassing. And I'm glad Ai didn't see it.
[ or did she ]
But your apology's been accepted. Not that you knew about it, in the first place.
[ or did she ]
But your apology's been accepted. Not that you knew about it, in the first place.
I was too busy passing out to know about it, but I'm still sorry.
[ He tilts his head a little. ]
Why didn't you tell me before?
[ He tilts his head a little. ]
Why didn't you tell me before?
Because you were already cross with me?
[ for YOU KNOW. almost killing you. ]
[ for YOU KNOW. almost killing you. ]
I don't mean right then. I asked you before, if I'd ever...
[ His hand moves to the back of his neck, slides up into his hair before he just drops it to switch his focus to pouring out another glass instead. ]
I'm not angry. [ ONLY AT HIMSELF :) ]
[ His hand moves to the back of his neck, slides up into his hair before he just drops it to switch his focus to pouring out another glass instead. ]
I'm not angry. [ ONLY AT HIMSELF :) ]
[ welp. looks like she ruined rooftop night again. ]
You're angry now.
You're angry now.
Not exactly. [ He glances away, sliding his hands over his legs as he tries to think of how to explain it. ] It's more at myself. I wanted... [ He bites at his lip, twists a bit until he can run one of his hands through his hair again. He glances back at her then, eyes a little lowered. ]
I wanted to treat you better than that.
[ Well it isn't ruined... but.............. ]
I want to treat you better than that. You're special. You're special to me and I don't want to... [ Words are hard though, his face scrunches up a little. ] I don't want to do anything you don't want. I don't want to upset you, like I am right now I suppose.
[ Her thirst vs his innocence... how will it pan out stay tuned ]
I wanted to treat you better than that.
[ Well it isn't ruined... but.............. ]
I want to treat you better than that. You're special. You're special to me and I don't want to... [ Words are hard though, his face scrunches up a little. ] I don't want to do anything you don't want. I don't want to upset you, like I am right now I suppose.
[ Her thirst vs his innocence... how will it pan out stay tuned ]
[ she folds her legs and draws her knees closer to her, resting her chin on them and she looks at him, her senses so very intent on listening and looking at him. his words, his heart, his expression... it's painful to see. maybe she shouldn't have said it in the first place.
she just wanted to win.
a hand reaches out to his, though. ] I'm not upset. Not with you.
[ though now she's very upset with herself and her big mouth. :( ]
she just wanted to win.
a hand reaches out to his, though. ] I'm not upset. Not with you.
[ though now she's very upset with herself and her big mouth. :( ]
[ She probably shouldn't have, because now it's like he doesn't know what to do with himself either. He starts with moving the glass away, game Over now, but it's more to try and buy himself more time. He even finally moves to grab the second glass, pouring that out.
It's when she finally speaks that he glances back at her, and while there's definitely that thump of pain in his heart, he gives her a smile (it doesn't look fake but it definitely is) and even reaches to just lightly boop her on the nose. ]
Don't worry about it too much, or you might hurt yourself.
[ He pulls out the food from the back then, not taking her hand and instead trying to get some of the food because he needs to try and absorb the wine somehow. ]
Cheese?
It's when she finally speaks that he glances back at her, and while there's definitely that thump of pain in his heart, he gives her a smile (it doesn't look fake but it definitely is) and even reaches to just lightly boop her on the nose. ]
Don't worry about it too much, or you might hurt yourself.
[ He pulls out the food from the back then, not taking her hand and instead trying to get some of the food because he needs to try and absorb the wine somehow. ]
Cheese?
[ she's not stupid. she's the queen of fake smiles for crying out loud... she knows he's just. playing around. kidding. not being serious with this.
so she backs away from him, especially after not giving her the contact she needs.
it hurts. ]
Maybe I should go.
so she backs away from him, especially after not giving her the contact she needs.
it hurts. ]
Maybe I should go.
[ It makes him stop, at least. His head lowers a bit, because this is the worst thing about her not actually being dense like Arthur is. He hurts just as much, and maybe he hasn't told her everything, but as it stands he hasn't lied either.
But how does she expect him to feel after saying she's kissed 4 different people then tell him she lied about that in the same breath pretty much. He drops the food back into the basket gently, takes a deep breath. ]
I don't want you to. [ It's just a soft whisper because this isn't fair. ] I just.
[ Just what? ]
But how does she expect him to feel after saying she's kissed 4 different people then tell him she lied about that in the same breath pretty much. He drops the food back into the basket gently, takes a deep breath. ]
I don't want you to. [ It's just a soft whisper because this isn't fair. ] I just.
[ Just what? ]
[ she shakes her head, trying to cover up her tears with laughter. ]
No, no, it's fine-- I don't want to ruin things any further.
[ she just keeps on backing away, hands wiping away her tears. she's really an idiot... and maybe she'd just cry herself to sleep tonight. it sounds like a good plan. but it doesn't end there, she gets up to her knees and gives him a fake smile of her own. ]
Thanks for the headband and the glove- unless you want them back—
[ so stupid... ]
No, no, it's fine-- I don't want to ruin things any further.
[ she just keeps on backing away, hands wiping away her tears. she's really an idiot... and maybe she'd just cry herself to sleep tonight. it sounds like a good plan. but it doesn't end there, she gets up to her knees and gives him a fake smile of her own. ]
Thanks for the headband and the glove- unless you want them back—
[ so stupid... ]
[ That only hurts more, why is it so hard to just explain how he feels? Sure, she can hear his heart or whatever, but it doesn't really give her details, does it? It doesn't tell her that this feels like its the first time he's experiencing life and that he's overwhelmed half the time.
That he doesn't know how to do this.
That it isn't the threats from people like Yu that terrify him over whether he'll hurt her, it's the fact itself.
And it's like his worst fears of that are already true. ]
That isn't what I'm saying-- [ Why can't he just explain. Just tell her that he's worried about rushing anything, even if it might be too late for his heart already and he can't tell because at the same time all he can see is her when they're together. When he's on his own, too.
He's even crying slightly now. At least one tear drops before he swipes it with the heel of his hand. ]
Will you just sit down and listen to me?
That he doesn't know how to do this.
That it isn't the threats from people like Yu that terrify him over whether he'll hurt her, it's the fact itself.
And it's like his worst fears of that are already true. ]
That isn't what I'm saying-- [ Why can't he just explain. Just tell her that he's worried about rushing anything, even if it might be too late for his heart already and he can't tell because at the same time all he can see is her when they're together. When he's on his own, too.
He's even crying slightly now. At least one tear drops before he swipes it with the heel of his hand. ]
Will you just sit down and listen to me?
[ she stops, but she shakes her head. this is your cue to start talking, merlin.
except, she has to say something of her own first. ]
I'm always listening. [ her nails dig deep into her thighs, crying even more now. this... this is so reminiscent of the first time they were here. maybe, just maybe, this will have a happy ending, too.
though when she says that, she means she's always listening to his heart. and hearts don't lie, no matter what. ]
except, she has to say something of her own first. ]
I'm always listening. [ her nails dig deep into her thighs, crying even more now. this... this is so reminiscent of the first time they were here. maybe, just maybe, this will have a happy ending, too.
though when she says that, she means she's always listening to his heart. and hearts don't lie, no matter what. ]
You're listening, but do you really understand it? [ He tilts his head when he looks at her this time, and he's had more wine and god... Hopefully neither of them mess this up further than they already have. Him staying silent for so long probably hasn't helped.
He takes a deep breath, but he doesn't look at her face, lets his eyes drop to where her nails dig into her thighs. He wants to cover her hands with his, instead he just closes his eyes and tries to think of the best way to say everything. ]
At home, I grew up in a tiny village. My mother has always been kind about my magic, but as you know, no one else was. Is. I had one friend there, called Will, but even he died when we went back to try and protect it from bandits. Because I'm a nobody and Ealdor isn't part of Camelot's Kingdom, Uther wouldn't send help.
He was the only friend I had growing up. Even now... I can't exactly say Arthur is a friend. Morgana... I don't know. Gwen is probably the closest and even then she doesn't know anything about me really. The only person who does is probably Lancelot. But he left. Gaius acts like he supports me, but he doesn't agree with me most of the time and it's just... It feels like I can finally be myself here.
But I still grew up not knowing how to talk about these things, I don't know how to do any of this.
And... [ He looks up at her then, biting into his lip hard. ] I don't want to mess this up. I just... [ He licks his lips, his entire body language tensed up like a coil about to snap. He swallows hard, sniffles a bit before he lets out a breath, both hands moving to rub his eyes. ] You might have kissed 4 people, but ... you're the first real kiss I've had and it's... [ His hands drop to his legs, rub there slowly. ] It's kind of terrifying, isn't it? I don't know if it means something different to the both of us, but for me it...
[ It means a fucking lot, Athena. ]
He takes a deep breath, but he doesn't look at her face, lets his eyes drop to where her nails dig into her thighs. He wants to cover her hands with his, instead he just closes his eyes and tries to think of the best way to say everything. ]
At home, I grew up in a tiny village. My mother has always been kind about my magic, but as you know, no one else was. Is. I had one friend there, called Will, but even he died when we went back to try and protect it from bandits. Because I'm a nobody and Ealdor isn't part of Camelot's Kingdom, Uther wouldn't send help.
He was the only friend I had growing up. Even now... I can't exactly say Arthur is a friend. Morgana... I don't know. Gwen is probably the closest and even then she doesn't know anything about me really. The only person who does is probably Lancelot. But he left. Gaius acts like he supports me, but he doesn't agree with me most of the time and it's just... It feels like I can finally be myself here.
But I still grew up not knowing how to talk about these things, I don't know how to do any of this.
And... [ He looks up at her then, biting into his lip hard. ] I don't want to mess this up. I just... [ He licks his lips, his entire body language tensed up like a coil about to snap. He swallows hard, sniffles a bit before he lets out a breath, both hands moving to rub his eyes. ] You might have kissed 4 people, but ... you're the first real kiss I've had and it's... [ His hands drop to his legs, rub there slowly. ] It's kind of terrifying, isn't it? I don't know if it means something different to the both of us, but for me it...
[ It means a fucking lot, Athena. ]
[ it hurts. she definitely isn't listening properly anymore because she knows she messed up if merlin is saying something like this. and in the middle of his speech, she begins to black out, feeling her throat doesn't exist anymore. she knows the ability to speak's been stolen from her at this point. she can barely see now, too, but whether it's the tears or something else that's hindering her eyesight is still up for debate.
her nails dig deeper. and it's good that her tights are knitted are thick, otherwise there'd be holes there already. and she just continues crying. she tries so hard to listen, but her body's decided to shut it all away. she's just so hurt. hurt because she's hurt him.
she keeps doing this. this happened with simon, too. and that was the last time they spent time together before he left for the nexus. she messed up.
she messed up now. and merlin is probably going to go away, literally or figuratively, and she doesn't know what to do about it. even widget's shut down as she just sits there, her hair a mess now and is covering her face. a part of it is on the floor, catching her tears and soaking it up.
at some point in her fit of tears, a hand makes its way to the bracelet he gave her. wear it always he said. if things get bad, try to sleep. she pulls at it a couple of times, but not enough to remove it. it's more like a motion to signify that she wants to sleep. to make all this go away.
to run away from this problem. ]
Go [ words are still hard for her. ] sleep, Athena... just [ ... ] to sleep...
her nails dig deeper. and it's good that her tights are knitted are thick, otherwise there'd be holes there already. and she just continues crying. she tries so hard to listen, but her body's decided to shut it all away. she's just so hurt. hurt because she's hurt him.
she keeps doing this. this happened with simon, too. and that was the last time they spent time together before he left for the nexus. she messed up.
she messed up now. and merlin is probably going to go away, literally or figuratively, and she doesn't know what to do about it. even widget's shut down as she just sits there, her hair a mess now and is covering her face. a part of it is on the floor, catching her tears and soaking it up.
at some point in her fit of tears, a hand makes its way to the bracelet he gave her. wear it always he said. if things get bad, try to sleep. she pulls at it a couple of times, but not enough to remove it. it's more like a motion to signify that she wants to sleep. to make all this go away.
to run away from this problem. ]
Go [ words are still hard for her. ] sleep, Athena... just [ ... ] to sleep...
Edited 2016-04-06 13:02 (UTC)
[ Even when she said she'd listen, even when he'd asked her to listen she can't and it's an awful reminder of how she really just does deserve someone who will always be happy. Someone whose life hasn't been filled with a destiny so great it wears down on them to the point where they potentially do this to escape too.
It isn't hard to pick up on the signs when she starts murmuring to herself, when her hand goes to that bracelet that she's still wearing, just as promised. It's so hard to raise his hand, tears coming out harder because he's to blame for this.
Maybe he should have just let her go.
His hand lifts, hesitates mid-air before he murmurs: ] Swefe nu.
[ If it's what she wants or needs, he'll give her that for now, and it'll give him the time he needs to cry this out without being more of a burden on her. His arm moves to catch her before she slumps further, holding her around the shoulders. He doesn't move to hold her elsewhere, just lowers her gently to a pillow.
She should be pulled into a gentle dream, she should be able to feel peace again.
When all he can think is: ] You deserve so much better than this.
It isn't hard to pick up on the signs when she starts murmuring to herself, when her hand goes to that bracelet that she's still wearing, just as promised. It's so hard to raise his hand, tears coming out harder because he's to blame for this.
Maybe he should have just let her go.
His hand lifts, hesitates mid-air before he murmurs: ] Swefe nu.
[ If it's what she wants or needs, he'll give her that for now, and it'll give him the time he needs to cry this out without being more of a burden on her. His arm moves to catch her before she slumps further, holding her around the shoulders. He doesn't move to hold her elsewhere, just lowers her gently to a pillow.
She should be pulled into a gentle dream, she should be able to feel peace again.
When all he can think is: ] You deserve so much better than this.
[ a gentle dream she may have, but it doesn't come quickly enough. when she falls into the spell, she sobs and almost chokes, still crying. eventually, her breath evens out and she moves into a world of dreams - one where she can actually be happy. one so far away from this. galaxies away.
but it can only last for so long. she's calm when she wakes up, but she refuses to move or even open her eyes. she doesn't know where she is, but all she wants is to go back to sleep... to where she can escape.
why is she back to reality?
...
... ... ...
she can't stay like this forever, though. slowly, she opens her eyes. why is she still in the rootop-- where's merlin? ]
but it can only last for so long. she's calm when she wakes up, but she refuses to move or even open her eyes. she doesn't know where she is, but all she wants is to go back to sleep... to where she can escape.
why is she back to reality?
...
... ... ...
she can't stay like this forever, though. slowly, she opens her eyes. why is she still in the rootop-- where's merlin? ]
[ He doesn't have the luxury of just going to sleep where things will be a little easier for a while. He doesn't have an escape, and after this it's hard to think he can actually open up to anyone. It's hard to want to, anyway. When Athena wakes she'll find his jacket draped over her, Merlin with his sleeves rolled up a feet away from her. His knees are drawn up, arms curled up to the point where it looks like he's hugging his head.
He's fallen to sleep like that, though his dreams are no where as sweet as hers would have been and probably felt like drowning in quick sand. ]
He's fallen to sleep like that, though his dreams are no where as sweet as hers would have been and probably felt like drowning in quick sand. ]
[ oh god, he hasn't left. thank the gods above... athena quickly gets up, but tears fall from her eyes and they make her stop her from what she's about to do. she has to wipe her eyes again to no avail. man, screw it.
she just runs to him, and while he might be asleep or not, she doesn't care. she pulls him into an embrace. a tight one where he can feel her heart pounding as if it's knocking at her ribs. where he can feel her heart beating for him. ]
I'm so sorry... I really am. I'm an idiot, please forgive me, Merlin.
[ though she probably doesn't sound so coherent when she's crying like a baby. ]
I'd choose you over anybody - anybody. Because... I really, really, [ love. ] like you. I don't- please believe me when I say that every second I spend with you is the best. And I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world. Or with anybody else in the world.
Please...
I'm so sorry. I don't want you to go. . . not you too. . . because I'm stupid.
she just runs to him, and while he might be asleep or not, she doesn't care. she pulls him into an embrace. a tight one where he can feel her heart pounding as if it's knocking at her ribs. where he can feel her heart beating for him. ]
I'm so sorry... I really am. I'm an idiot, please forgive me, Merlin.
[ though she probably doesn't sound so coherent when she's crying like a baby. ]
I'd choose you over anybody - anybody. Because... I really, really, [ love. ] like you. I don't- please believe me when I say that every second I spend with you is the best. And I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world. Or with anybody else in the world.
Please...
I'm so sorry. I don't want you to go. . . not you too. . . because I'm stupid.
[ Of course he hasn't left? For one thing, if he had intended to leave her alone he would have taken her home first, made sure she was in a safe environment. He'd probably make sure Ai would be with her, too.
Other than that he doesn't stir when she moves, not even when she starts to run. It's only when she's pulling him into an embrace that his eyes start to open. His face feels stiff, knees damp where where he's been crying. It's the confusion that he's her pull him in. Her words are the reminder of what happened hours(?) before.
His arms feel limp because of how he's slept, back aches, but he lets himself shift until his face is pressed into her neck. His hands still hesitate, even if she's saying all of this, but after a second or two he reaches for her in return, holding tight like his breath might have stopped.
Quietly, he just murmurs: ] I know. Sor-- [ He sucks in air, like he's finally getting the ability back. ] --ry. I'm not going anywhere.
[ He isn't crying anymore, hasn't been since he fell asleep. He just wants her to stop crying, to stop worrying about this when it's his problem in the first place. If she'd been with someone else, someone used to this era would they have been as upset? He can't say for sure.
He just wants her to understand where he's coming from this, as the one utterly out of time with the world. ]
I can't imagine ever kissing anyone else now, I-- [ It's embarrassing, infuriating that he's reduced to this.
But it's better than losing her. ] --I'd ask you to run away with me tomorrow, if this were somewhere else. To stay with me.
[ I'm falling. ]
Other than that he doesn't stir when she moves, not even when she starts to run. It's only when she's pulling him into an embrace that his eyes start to open. His face feels stiff, knees damp where where he's been crying. It's the confusion that he's her pull him in. Her words are the reminder of what happened hours(?) before.
His arms feel limp because of how he's slept, back aches, but he lets himself shift until his face is pressed into her neck. His hands still hesitate, even if she's saying all of this, but after a second or two he reaches for her in return, holding tight like his breath might have stopped.
Quietly, he just murmurs: ] I know. Sor-- [ He sucks in air, like he's finally getting the ability back. ] --ry. I'm not going anywhere.
[ He isn't crying anymore, hasn't been since he fell asleep. He just wants her to stop crying, to stop worrying about this when it's his problem in the first place. If she'd been with someone else, someone used to this era would they have been as upset? He can't say for sure.
He just wants her to understand where he's coming from this, as the one utterly out of time with the world. ]
I can't imagine ever kissing anyone else now, I-- [ It's embarrassing, infuriating that he's reduced to this.
But it's better than losing her. ] --I'd ask you to run away with me tomorrow, if this were somewhere else. To stay with me.
[ I'm falling. ]
[ she goes quiet after sometime and just buries her face on his shoulder. then she starts crying again. ]
I can't lose you, too. Please don't go...
[ she knows what she signed up for when she started liking merlin. that he'd be taken away into the nexus at some point in time. she never expected it with simon which was why she was a mess for a while. it was the same for ryuko, too. her two best friends gone. and while death is her biggest fear, it's slowly being overtaken by the fear of losing merlin. as a friend. as...whatever this is. to the nexus.
she just wants to be with him. and maybe then she'd stop trying to be an idiot.
her hold on him grows tighter as her sobbing grows louder. ]
I'm so sorry. Please... I'd follow you anywhere, Merlin. Please. Just don't go.
I can't lose you, too. Please don't go...
[ she knows what she signed up for when she started liking merlin. that he'd be taken away into the nexus at some point in time. she never expected it with simon which was why she was a mess for a while. it was the same for ryuko, too. her two best friends gone. and while death is her biggest fear, it's slowly being overtaken by the fear of losing merlin. as a friend. as...whatever this is. to the nexus.
she just wants to be with him. and maybe then she'd stop trying to be an idiot.
her hold on him grows tighter as her sobbing grows louder. ]
I'm so sorry. Please... I'd follow you anywhere, Merlin. Please. Just don't go.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6u0DGIh3wLA&nohtml5=False
sortileges
2016-04-06 11:53 pm (UTC)(link)
[ He's a bit awkward about where to put his hands at first, until the way they're sat really does just make his back ache. ]
Here. [ He shifts to pull her legs up, pulling her up onto his lap, pulling her in closer because really he just hopes in future she'll tell him if he crosses any lines. This, right now, is more about comfort. About holding her close as his lips brush her temple. ]
I'm not going. [ It hurts so much, because he knows -- or at least he's fairly certain he knows what she means by this. By "don't go". She doesn't mean to his apartment, to even the other end of the rooftop. She means for the foreseeable future. ] Look at me. [ His hand reaches for her face, swipes at the tears freely falling from her eye. ] I'm right here.
Here. [ He shifts to pull her legs up, pulling her up onto his lap, pulling her in closer because really he just hopes in future she'll tell him if he crosses any lines. This, right now, is more about comfort. About holding her close as his lips brush her temple. ]
I'm not going. [ It hurts so much, because he knows -- or at least he's fairly certain he knows what she means by this. By "don't go". She doesn't mean to his apartment, to even the other end of the rooftop. She means for the foreseeable future. ] Look at me. [ His hand reaches for her face, swipes at the tears freely falling from her eye. ] I'm right here.
[ look at me, he says, but her eyes are practically a waterfall right now. still, with a sob and a nod, she looks at him.
barely.
what she sees is like how you'd view something from a kaleidoscope. the colours are all messed up, but she is looking at him, at least. ]
barely.
what she sees is like how you'd view something from a kaleidoscope. the colours are all messed up, but she is looking at him, at least. ]
[ He whispers "close your eyes" after, just wanting to take in the mess she's gotten herself into, before he kisses each eye in turn. Both of his hands move from her back to put her face, tilting it until he can kiss her forehead. ]
I'm right here.
I'm right here.
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