post of shame

[psycholawgy]

Comments

[psycholawgy]

Why do I have to stand still, though?

[ why are you making her do difficult things?! ]

[sortileges]

Well if I'm going to throw things at a board around you, I don't want to hit you.

[ ??????? that isn't difficult?!?!! ]

[psycholawgy]

[ um, what???

she doesn't look excited anymore. ]

Throw... things...?

[sortileges]

Don't they usually throw knives at a target over someone's head?

[ WORRYING.......... ]

[psycholawgy]

No! No! [ she tries to back away immediately but her back ends up hitting the side of the boat and it hurts. ] Ow...

No knives...

[ someone isn't very good with knives. ]

[sortileges]

A-Athena? [ His hand moves to try and rub where she hits the boat, trying to soothe her. ]

Okay, okay. [ What happened.............? ]

[psycholawgy]

[ kitchenk knives are fine, but she's pretty sure that's not what he meant. throwing knives look much different, and it just reminds her so much of the phantom. how she tried to kill him to protect herself because she was so terrified. it was a memory that she had forgotten, but it was unlocked by phoenix, so... it's clear as day.

she doesn't do well with swords, either. good luck with that, merlin.

she shakes her head vigorously, shutting close her eyes as she tries not to cry. ]

No knives...

[sortileges]

[ Sadly she hasn't told him any of this so he has no idea what's causing her to freeze up like this and instead just pulls her back in against himself, nuzzling her warmly. ]

Definitely not. No knives, it's okay.

[ But ah... Excalibur is a good sword :( He wouldn't use it for magic tricks though, don't worry. ]

[psycholawgy]

[ swords are bad :(

and he may not know the story, but being comforted like this is helping a lot. she wants to cry from remembering such a horrible memory, but she doesn't. her hands are shaking as they grab onto his sweater, but she refuses to say anything else. ]

[sortileges]

[ Sometimes needed though.

And he rubs up and down her back as he pulls her up enough to have her on him, leaning up to kiss her forehead. ]

Sorry.

[psycholawgy]

[ she stays still and silent for a few minutes, just listening to his heartbeat to calm herself down. ]

I-- [ she can't seem to get the words out properly so they're choppy. ] The Phantom-- with a knife--

[ hey at least she didn't say she killed him. ]

[sortileges]

[ He lets her, and even goes to press his hand to her face so she can feel the warmth of his skin too, thumb rubbing there. ]

Take your time.

[ But... it's the first time he's hearing this, she hasn't really opened up before either, and he wants to know for the sake of not accidentally opening up this wound again. :( ]

[psycholawgy]

[ yeah, good luck getting her to open up... she probably should tell him more about herself at some point, but her past hasn't exactly been the most enjoyable one. the less people know about it, the better. that's what she thinks, anyway.

but she does want to talk about this. with him. she wouldn't have blurted out those words otherwise. ]

He killed my mom... [ well, that's a start. ] I didn't know what to do-- so the knife...

[sortileges]

[ Well, he doesn't want to force it either, he'd only told her about himself because it was causing such a rift with his own low self worth causing problems. Well. An odd mix of that and being just ... too powerful and finding that path just as lonely.

Weirdo. He 100% listens to her now though, kneading her shoulders and scalp. ]

The knife? [ He breathes it out softly, prompting her but not pushing. ]

[psycholawgy]

I hurt him with it... I don't remember what happened next. It became dark.

[ she really wouldn't be so affected by this if phoenix didn't pull out her hidden memories!! but ah... it had to be done so they could find out the truth.

she closes her eyes and rests her head on his shoulder, though. she feels bad now, for ruining the night. she wanted this to be a happy memory, not something he'd remember as the time athena froze and remembered something traumatic. ]

[sortileges]

[ And the truth was that she wasn't a murderer, so that's fine. It's fine. He kisses along her face, nuzzling here and there. ]

And when you woke up?

[psycholawgy]

[ she closes her eyes as she tries to remember, but then what comes next is a different memory that's even more painful. ]

I woke up and they were arresting Simon. They were taking him away from me. They were calling him my mom's murderer.

[sortileges]

[ He nods slowly, remembering her mention him before, along with the picture. ]

But he didn't do it. [ Confirmation, a note that he remembers. He definitely remembers that, with how she worked so hard to free him. ]

[psycholawgy]

No. I knew all along that it wasn't him. I couldn't remember the man in the mask [ ??? ] but his heart was crying so loudly.

[ she heaves out a heavy sigh. ]

Nobody would listen to me. [ because she was a kid. what would a kid know? it's why she hates being ignored up to now. it's not just something that offends her but it sends her back to when she was a witness to the trial and nobody took her seriously. it sends her back to a very painful experience. ]

[sortileges]

[ He understands it more now than he probably did before. Athena's ability is pretty unique. He's never known anyone else who could hear someone's heart after all, so... ]

They wouldn't believe you. I'm sorry. [ He hugs her tighter then, not knowing what else to say just yet. ]

You called them... The Phantom? Is this who you managed to get later on?

[psycholawgy]

[ she nods slowly. ]

They were a spy. [ does merlin even know what a spy is? she has no idea. ] They work for some organisation and they kill anybody in their way; pretend to be somebody else just to infiltrate and get information. That's why mom died... Because she was an expert in psychology and she was studying how The Phantom worked with Simon.

They pretended to be a policeman named Bobby Fulbright for years. Then they killed somebody else -- Apollo's best friend. He forged some evidence to make it seem like I was the one who did it, in the end.

[ that's not where the story ends, though, but it looks like that's all she's willing to reveal for now. ]

[sortileges]

[ His hands smooth up over her shoulders to caress the back of her neck, pulling her up until her forhead rests against him while she keeps talking. Her explanation makes a lot of sense though, especially when she elaborates what a spy is. ]

But you were proven innocent. [ also not a question. ] Phoenix? [ That is though, yes. ]

[psycholawgy]

[ a small smile curls upon her lips when merlin mentions her boss' name. he gets it. ]

Mr. Wright believed in me when nobody else wouldn't. He saved me, and helped save Simon, too. There's so much I can learn from him.

I would have gotten the death penalty if he hadn't done anything... [ which is such a terrifying prospect, but at that time, when she was on the stand, she had completely given up and even wanted to be given the guilty verdict. ]

[sortileges]

[ It makes him feel a bit guilty for lashing out at him before, thouh they've definitely improved things since that first talk. ]

Iris told me something similar, about he how he believed in her despite everything she did. He... seems like a really good person. [ And as someone who constantly walks a thin line of a death penalty, he gets the relief. ]

[psycholawgy]

[ she looks up at him at that, curious. it probably isn't the best time to ask about iris, though. ]

I don't know what happened to Iris, but Mr. Wright's a really good guy. I met him while I was studying in Europe. I didn't really have much purpose in life... that's what I thought, anyway. But he told me to study law so I can save Simon.

He breathed life into me.