psycholawgy | post of shame

[ by the time he gets back, she's likely to have fallen asleep on the couch with the tv on. ai doesn't seem to be home yet, she probably has plans. clonco's deactivated and is recharging.

she really didn't mean for things to turn out this way :( ]

[ He doesn't try to wake her once he's back, merely fixes her blamket for her before he heads to the kitchen to put stuff away. He doesn't start dinner yet even though he bought stuff for it. Like her, he isn't hungry yet.

Really he just wants the ice cream.

He sits on the floor in front of the sofa, spoon dug into the ice cream and his grimoire on the floor. Whenever it is that she wakes she'll find him studying it while stuffing his face. Ah. ]

[ her cerevice's alarm goes off an hour after she had texted him the first time. she wasn't sure how long he'd be gone and didn't want to fall asleep completely. though she would have appreciated it if he woke her up when he got back.

she switches off the alarm as soon as the device makes a sound before realising that he's already there. she just sinks further back into the couch to make herself as small as possible. should she talk to him? she just feels so bad right now. how do you even fix something like this?

a hand reaches out for him, but before she can tap his shoulder, she pulls away. she's scared. ]

I'm so sorry...

[ He does jump slightly when the alarm goes off, though instead of looking back properly he tilts his head back to look at her. He gives her a smile, at least, he's had more time to try and work through this because he hasn't been sleeping. ]

I told you, it's fine. Want to try some?

[ He just holds out the spoon with a bit of mint chocolate chip on it.

...Trying to evade talking about it probably isn't helping though, huh? ]

I'm not hungry, thank you.

[ but ah... evading the subject really isn't helping. she really wants to make it up to him now but if he's being difficult then she can't find an opening. :( ]

Can I sit next to you?

[ puppy dog eyes :< ]

I'll try and save you some as it's really good, but I really can't promise anything.

[ He does at least nudge his book to the side, keeping it out of the way so it doesn't seem like he's ignoring her. That isn't what this either. Just. ]

Down here or I can come up there. Whichever.

[ this is probably worse than ignoring her tbh. even though she has ptsd from being ignored ah...

she does get up to sit next to him though, blanket still around her. she folds her legs and draws them closer to her so she can wrap her arms around her them. at first she sits about a feet away from him but she inches closer every second or so until her shoulder is touching his. ]

It's okay. You can have it all. [ she looks at him then, biting her lip. ] Have you had dinner?

[ Look, he's trying but the question that's bothering him the most isn't one he feels like he can bring himself to ask so...

Thankfully he doesn't flinch away when she wiggles closer, just stays stock still for a moment before his body sinks down a bit, his own head drops onto her shoulder. ]

I didn't feel like it yet, I just put the ingredients in the fridge.

[ she takes a deep breath then. at least him giving her contact is a good sign?! sort of... ]

Do you-- [ ah... she swallows and decides to switch the tv off. ] I really didn't mean to--

It's obvious you don't want to talk about it, and I don't know if you really are fine or not [ because when she says things are fine she doesn't really mean it so who knows if he's doing the same?! ]. Please let me make it up to you.

[ Sort of, it isn't like he's holding her hand or hugging her. He's keeping his hands firmly on the ice cream. That in itself is a sign he isn't really fine but. His eyes shut when she talks about it anyway, and he lets out a soft sigh of resignation. ]

Why would I want to talk about the fact that I made my girlfriend cry because I... [ He bites his lip. ] Did you...? Was I...? [ He swallows and then starts stabbing the ice cream with his spoon.

Then even softer, quieter: ]

I feel like I took advantage of you.

[ she wiggles in her seat a bit before resting her chin in between her knees.

at least he's talking now? she doesn't want to let this go until she feels better about himself. ]

That's not-- You didn't. You didn't. I just didn't know what to do. What if I started pressuring you again-- I didn't want that.

I didn't cry because of you. [ she really didn't!! ] I'm the one at fault here.

[ Because she wouldn't let it drop :( He doesn't want to... but. After she says the rest he pulls his head away to drop it back against the couch instead. ]

You weren't pressuring me to begin with, it's just... hard. [ He actually does flush just slightly because of why that is, but. Actually saying it. Well. ] Because you weren't sure about what I should do to... help you. Um. Y'know. So I thought if I researched it, it'd take some of that pressure off both of us...

It just made it worse, didn't it?

[ He doesn't know anymore... Athena this is such a confusing experience. ]

[ she actually has to reflect on that question. there's nothing he could do to make things worse. and it's why she stays still for a while before saying anything. ]

I thought I was. I'm sorry. [ she presses her lips together to form a line, unamused with herself. ] Thanks for thinking of me. You didn't make things worse; it was sweet.

... I just. Misunderstood.

[ He stays just as quiet, swirling the ice cream as it melts in his hand. He takes a mouthful while she's thinking, before finally glancing at her. His hand finally moves to brush away some of her hair. ]

Maybe when we first started dating I felt like it was too soon for a lot of things but. Not now. I'd be an idiot to not want everything with you. I mean-- [ Jesus this is embarrassing. If she looks at him, she'll actually notice he's flustered, mostly for what he says next. ] It isn't like I haven't thought about these things, I just didn't want any of it to be one sided. I just needed the time for my friend to get back to me as I wasn't sure where to go for... that kind of information.

[ she does glance at him for a split second before looking away again. this really is embarrassing, even for her, and it makes her laugh a bit. she hides it quickly though by covering her mouth with her hand, dropping the blanket on her lap in the process. she... didn't put any pants on ah. she got lazy. ]

Everything... [ she smiles then. ] I'd like that. If you'd have me.

[ She doesn't need pants-- wait. Though he does drop his head against her then, hiding it into her shoulder. His face feels so hot. ]

I'd-- [ He's too flustered... his throat feels dry and out of embarrassment he ends up laughing into her. God they're both idiots... ] I'd like that, too.

[ "Everything". That is. (incl. marriage tbh but she doesn't have to know that DGKGDSG) ]

[ she ends up laughing a bit too. but ah... well marriage has never crossed her mind until recently and now she's just even more in love with him because he's just so sweet. :( which is... ah... probably why he's getting a video at the end of the month. ]

Did you want to continue with the massage?

[ ah... what an invitation

]

[ Look ... it's a luxury few have back home because of the costs.

He ends up sucking in air at the way she asks that, I mean really the mood did get broken up a bit but now they're back to being comfortable with each other, more reassured that it was just miscommunication that was the error--

He licks his lips, tastes chocolate mint and gives her a smile in return. ]

Can I bring my ice cream? [ It's a joke!!!!!!!!!! mostly. maybe. ]

[ why does he keep doing this............. ]

Ah-- um. [ her eyes dart around the room and her eyebrows start going up and down one after the other. ]

... Is that what you want.

[ Slowly... ] It was a joke.

Like I'd need anything else.

[ u///u Now stop pulling funny faces?! He makes sure the ice cream tub doesn't topple over and puts it on the table. After he twists a bit, his hand that isn't as cold reaching to cup her face.

Then he leans in for a kiss, kissing the corner of her mouth. ] I just. [ He hovers there for a moment, kissing the other corner of her mouth.

This is embarrassing. ]

...want you.

[ she bites her lip then before she opens her mouth slightly to breathe out. she's pretty sure that her cheeks are so warm right now from all the blood going up to her face. ]

Me too. [ wait. ] I mean-- not me, I want you-- [ jesus.

she puts most of her weight onto one hand as she presses it on the floor while she twists a bit so she can face him properly. her other hand goes up to his shoulder before she kisses him on the lips this time. ]

[ His eyes dip to look at her mouth when he catches her bite it out of the corner of his eyes. His own face still feels hot, so at least she isn't alone. Her stumbling over it is endearing though, enough that the corner of his mouth twitches up as his head tilts. The hand on her face sinks into her hair...

and then he's kissing her back.

At first it's just focused on the contact though, but after a long moment there's a little more pressure and he alternates between focusing on her upper and lower lips. ]

[ her kisses are slow and sensual, and maybe just a tad bit teasing. she's trying to calm herself down by being slow with the kisses but who knows how long this'll last. adrenaline... ah.

she squeezes his shoulder gently, leaning into him some more just to be closer to him. ]

[ At this point they might as well just be teasing each other, testing to see who breaks the line first. His hand slides down until he caress her ear, breathing through his nose as he tries to keep the kisses going.

It's when she squeezes his shoulder and leans in a little more that his hands move. The first drops from her ear to her waist over the blankets, the other curls around her back until it can grip her top. ]

[ she flinches a little bit when his hand rubs against her ear and then her waist, but she's quick to ease back into it. it's then that she opens her mouth a little wider when she kisses him, each kiss growing more passionate than the last. it makes her shift in her seat all the more though until her entire body is facing him and she's on her knees on the floor. ]

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this is not a gagtag

WHY THIS

DSGSDGDSGSDGDSG

I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS

are you sure ;)

Very sure thanks

*¬*

Get out of here

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