post of shame

[psycholawgy]

Comments

[sortileges]

[ He swallows, frowning because it really did seem to come out of no where. He knows in his case that the memory was something fresh and raw. Maybe it is for her though? She isn't exactly telling him much :( ]

I will be okay? [ Well, it isn't a lie. He just needs a few minutes. In the meantime he slides his hands up and down her back, looking up at her. ] How are you feeling now?

[psycholawgy]

[ she averts her eyes from his before lowering herself again. she's looking to the side now, staring at her mirror when she sees something weird that shouldn't belong. something white and smoky? what is that... ]

Better, just-- [ she blinks a couple of times to see if it's just her imagination or not.

it isn't.

she lets go of him and gets up, turning to face the other way so she can get a better look at what it is. ]

Hey, little guy... What are you doing here?

[ she probably looks like a loon what with talking to thin air though. ]

[sortileges]

[ Just...? He opens his mouth to ask when she's pulling away and he ends up having to lean up on his elbow to get a look at where she's talking to. There isn't anything there, but his own fox friend is curled up at the bottom of the bed.

Hearing her talk makes it jump a little, skittishly moving to finally stand between Athena and her fox. It isn't like she can see that one, but he can. It helps her look like less of a loon. ]

It looks like a spirit...?

[psycholawgy]

[ the fox doesn't seem to be able to talk, and instead just tries to run behind athena when she tries to approach her. ]

Hey!

[ and now she's spinning, trying to chase her own fox because it doesn't want to look at her anymore :( ]

Stop!

[sortileges]

[ What on earth is she doing? His fox isn't moving, just looking at her warily like she's going to do something violent.




This may actually be an accurate representation of his soul at times like this.

Merlin's hand reaches out to make her pause, holding her steady. ] What are you doing?

[ As he reaches out to her though, the fox is still running and definitely crashes into him leaving him to sit there silently now, hand hovering in the air with his mouth a little open. His eyes look glazed over again though, so maybe everything is just a mess today. ]

[psycholawgy]

[ WOW RUDE???????

but ah... at least merlin sees something that isn't related to death for a change. it's a much shorter memory as it ends when athena asks if she can kiss simon again. before she can react though, an overwhelming need to sit down and attempt not to throw up hits her. she just covers her mouth, stopping her body from releasing anything.

and at that moment, athena forgot what she does for a living here in the colony. ]

[sortileges]

[ NO YOU KNOW WHAT IS RUDE??????? THIS MEMORY.

He'd actually prefer the death. His everyday life is so chaotic and full of destruction, at least it's easier to swallow. While she might have been shaking before, this time it's his turn when his eyes squeeze shut and that same hand that reached for her instead moves to his mouth to bite down so he doesn't say anything.

I mean really he knew but










it doesn't mean he wanted to see it :( ]

[psycholawgy]

[ :(

when he lets go of her, she just dashes out of the room only to come back five minutes later after having thrown up. it's even painful too, because all she's throwing up is water since she hasn't eaten... today was going to be the first day of her mission to comfort merlin, too! this is terrible.

cerealia, why you gotta be this way?

her hand is on her forehead when she enters her room again, her fox tailing her behind. she's not sure what caused merlin to freeze up, but hopefully he's better now? ]

Hey, are you okay? What just happened?

[sortileges]

[ Because CERES will never be kind, that's why. He isn't still frozen, but his hands are covering his face when she comes back in, and even though he tries to play it off as rubbing his face to wake off, she'll know. ]

I don't know. [ He sounds incredibly off though, like his voice, heart and expressions don't quite slot together. ]

[psycholawgy]

[ she hurries next to him and takes a seat, going for his hand to hold it. would he even let her hold his hand at this point? she's totally clueless of what he had seen, only knowing that something happened and that he isn't okay. she freezes a bit when she touches him again, but shakes it off immediately. ]

Why? [ ??? ] Was it the spirit?

[ she doesn't know!!! ]

[sortileges]

[ His hand jerks a little, but not entirely away. ]

It hasn't moved it's just ... there. [ He nods his head to the edge of the bed where it was looking at Athena before, but to here... it will look as though nothing is there. ] So I don't think so?

[psycholawgy]

[ that just makes her all the more confused. the fox has been following her the whole time, though? and she's pretty sure it's right there on the bed with them, seated behind her. ]

It's behind us, though.

[ which is why she looks back at it, clearly angry. ]

What did you do to him?!

[ it only jumps down from the bed and curls up by its leg instead. ]

[sortileges]

[ He shakes his head slightly, and actually... curls up a bit, away from Athena. ]

...Bathroom. [ He doesn't really need to go, but he needs the space to actually process this. Only when he moves, the fox bounds after him too and actually uses Athena as a jumping board on the way, triggering this memory. Funtimes.

So yes, the start of it is his heart stopping, followed by him coming back to life, being a sassy little shit then Gwen kissing him. Guess he won't be the only one feeling rough after this.

It means that while he's walking the nausea and vertigo hits though and he ends up crashing into the wall, forgetting who the King of Camelot actually is at the time. ]

[psycholawgy]

[ she gets up to follow him because this isn't fine. but before she could chase after him though, she just stands there as she sees a memory. it's 100% not hers, and it's only after the memory passes that she looks back at her fox, yelling at it. ]

What did you do?! Go away!

[ only the fox doesn't go away at all, and gets angry just as much as she does. it hisses at her, but she doesn't seem to fear it. ]

he is still in the room he just crashed into the wall DSGKDSGKSDG

[sortileges]

[ Sadly that one wasn't her foxes fault, but Athena's yelling at the angry hissing her fox is doing makes his own bound after him, curling up at his knees as he sinks down to the ground, hand pressed against his head.

He just stays sat there though, hand over his mouth until the nausea passes. Athena is probably still arguing with her fox. Ah. ]

See this is why i edited twice

[psycholawgy]

[ she ends up yelling at her own fox for a few more moments, telling it to go away and stay away from merlin. after his encounter with spirits wherever he was taken and what happened when rei and yuri released those spirits, she doesn't want to take any chances. if only she knew she's practically telling herself to get away from him, though.

the fox retreats to a corner of the room after much yelling. athena looks back every now and then at it to make sure it doesn't approach him when she walks up to him and crouches down. ]

Merlin?

gomen my love ;A;

[sortileges]

[ When he's finally calm enough to just sit, he lets his legs slide out across the floor and moves his hands up to cover his face. His eyes feel wet, but it's not really clear if it's from the nausea or the memory itself. He doesn't say a word though, just gives his head a little nod to say he can hear her.

Given that it's her voice though, all he can hear is Can we do it again? before his head thunks back against the wall. Thanks for this, CERES. ]

Never apologise x-( i'm just dumb

[psycholawgy]

[ god. if only he could speak up and say what's wrong, because she's really freaking out right now and it's so early in the day?? her hand touchss his forehead for a few seconds, though, her thumb swiping over it once. ]

Let me get you some ice. Just--- [ stay there.

she gets up and looks back at her fox who's still seated at the corner before dashing into the kitchen to grab an ice pack. she doesn't notice that the fox follows her and phases through the door, and she just ends up shrieking loudly when she sees it in the kitchen with her. it shouldn't have been able to leave since the door was closed?! jesus.

it's a miracle she's able to fight her headache this much tbh. ]

no you aren't?!?!?!? SHAKES YOU

[sortileges]

[ If only. But really, he doesn't stay sat there. Once she's out of the room and he has a minute he stumbles off towards the sink. His own fox curls protectively around his ankle, peeking up at him curiously as both of his hands press onto the sink. His head ducks down, but he doesn't shut the door behind him.

He doesn't know when that memory took place, how many weeks or months before he arrived, before they got together, but he got the feeling with it, as it's from Athena's perspective and ouch.

Just ouch.

When she stops freaking out about the fox she'll just find him silently crying there.

Sorry, love :( ]

diajflakf don't shake me!!

[psycholawgy]

[ it takes her a while to run to where he is with the ice pack because she's been trying so hard not to abuse this poor animal who's following her. it only has three legs, she shouldn't hurt it. but she really has no idea what a spirit is doing here with them?! it really needs to stay away.

the fox doesn't chase after her when she manages to run to the bathroom, instead limps slowly and just sits outside the bathroom while athena continues to freak out. so many things are happening all at the same time and merlin crying is making things even worse and she doesn't know what to do. she can hear so much pain coming from his heart and it's making her own heart start sinking.

she places the ice pack on the counter before she pulls him into a hug, not exactly sure if it will help. she swallows, hoping and praying to dear god that he doesn't push her away. ]

Merlin? It's okay. I don't know what it did to you, but I'm not letting it near you again, okay?

[ ?!!?!?!!!???!! ]

Re: diajflakf don't shake me!!

[sortileges]

[ Look, the spirits weren't the problem in the first place. He doubts an animal will try and possess them either, that would be dumb. He isn't worried about that at all. His heart has just taken a bit of bruising.

He doesn't want to reject her by pushing her away either though, it's just hard to think clearly with his head pounding but when she pulls him into a hug he stiffens for another reason as another memory takes hold. This time, at least, it's lighter, from when he'd been talking to Gaius some time about medicines and they were treating patients. It calms him enough to let him shake his head after. ]

I saw something. A memory. [ He clears his throat, but doesn't pull away from her. ]

[psycholawgy]

[ she sees herself in a cell, from when she was arrested by the police for the murder of clay terran, but she immediately shakes it off because there are more pressing matters at hand.

her index finger swipes at his tears softly, hoping to console him. she takes it as a good thing when he starts talking, though, totally unaware of what she's about to say next. ]

I'm sorry. [ it's obvious it was a bad memory, and it's why she's apologising. ] Do you want to talk about it?

[sortileges]

[ Shaking it off isn't something he's finding easy, even when he sinks down into her. It's just a little much on top of everything else. Because he isn't letting go though, it means there are no more memories swirling in his own head. ]

Do you? It was your memory, not mine.

[ His voice sounds tight though, rough around the edges. ]

[psycholawgy]

[ um. what?

her mouth opens a tad bit to says something, but she hesitates. there's a reason why she doesn't talk about herself. because she likes keeping things to herself. she might love merlin, but she feels like this is an invasion of her privacy. it's not his fault, though.

she just can't shake the feeling of being paranoid now. ]

Mine? How-- what-- [ does she even want to know what he saw? she's so scared now. ] What did you see? Why mine?

[sortileges]

[ He just bites down on his lip until it's close to bleeding, and shakes his head slightly. ]

I don't know why but-- [ It's hard to get the words out though. ] --you were happy. [ So why is he crying? Well....................... ] With him. Weren't you?